The Journey….Detour!

Reporting in – I’m down 13 pounds according to my doctor’s scale, which makes it even MORE official.

I can’t see a huge difference yet, but I can feel a difference.

But….
…yeah, unfortunately, there’s a “but.”

I had my twice yearly blood work a couple of weeks ago. Although I’ve ranged from chubby to overweight for pretty much my whole life, I’ve been relatively healthy. When my blood work results came back, my liver enzymes had more than doubled. They aren’t in a dangerous range at all, but the increase was noticeable. In talking to the doc, the only thing that had changed was adopting a Keto way of eating. Every way of eating has a unique effect on individuals, because our bodies react in different ways. Apparently, my body has reacted to the high fat aspect of Keto by making my liver work overtime. My triglycerides were also elevated from the numbers 6 months ago, but still not considered high.

I intend to continue watching my calories and carbohydrates, just without the high fat addition. I hope the 13 pounds I’ve lost will work as a catalyst to help me continue being a loser. I’m also praying that my husband’s blood work comes back normal, so that he can continue Keto, because it seems to be something he’s comfortable with, and that is working for him.

I share this not to be discouraging, but just to remind my friends to talk to your doctor before jumping into something drastic, even just to get their perspective. My doctor is wonderful and always encourages my efforts, while never being judgy or critical. I like that in a doc.

I’m still a work in progress, and that’s ok.

 

 

 

Whew! Hello, Anxiety, My Old Friend…

It’s been one of those days when stress and anxiety threaten to take over because I have too many expectations on me and I wonder how I’m going to manage everything I MUST get done, all the things I NEED to figure out, and all the people I HAVE to be. (Meltdown posted in my blog earlier.) 

Then I picked my kid up from school and she’d had an awfully rough day and was stressed out, and when he finally got home from a long day at work, the husband reminded me about an overdue bill, and the answer came: 

We moms, we WOMEN, don’t have it all figured out. 

A lot of days, we don’t have a clue. 

We just get things done…

We figure things out…

We become the people we need to be…

…because we must. 

Our families count on us to be strong, to be the nucleus, to be the sticky molasses holding the chaotic popcorn ball of life together. 

(And not just us – there are plenty of guys, plenty of single dads, rocking it too. I’m not at all discounting the responsibilities and stress you all have.)

I just know, in my woman’s heart, I tend try to take it all on myself to spare those I love. I try not to show any weakness that would make them worry about me. 

I just GET CRAP DONE. 

I swallow the insecurity, push down the fear, and get crap done. 

I mess it up, many, many times. 

And anxiety knocks me down. 

Tells me I’m not enough, that I can’t do it, that I’m letting everyone down. 

But I don’t stay there. 

That’s what hit me as I let my daughter talk and cry it out this afternoon. 

This is what we do. 

This is what my Mama has done, all her life.

This is what I do. 

We do what needs to be done. 

And we do it well….most of the time. 

(Sinus meds, coffee, and wine helping when need be.)

Overwhelmed Overload

My brain today:

-Be a good wife.

-Be a good mom.

-Be a good daughter.

-Be a good friend.

-Be a good employee.

-Be a good citizen. 

-Be a good sibling.

-Be a good aunt.

-Keep the house clean. 

-You should try to comfort them, even if you don’t feel equipped to.

-Cook healthy meals. 

-Why are people so awful to each other?

-Oh, by the way, here’s 4 extra loads of laundry you weren’t expecting. 

-How many carbs have you had today? Please save some for wine.

-Pay the bills.

-Preferably on time.

-Oh, oops, forgot one. 

-Volunteer in your community.

-Drink some water.

-Hellooooooo, I’m your friendly sinus infection and it’s time for my regular visit. What do you mean you don’t have time for me? You’ll just have to work around me then. 

-Buy healthy groceries for your family. 

-What? AFTER paying the bills? Seriously?

-You know no one else is going to volunteer to do the thing. Someone needs to do the thing. No one is offering. You should probably agree to do the thing. 

-Your kid is struggling with math. Why can’t you help her?

-Oh geez, so-and-so is mouthing off again.

-Keep your mouth shut – you know the truth of the matter. (But oh, how the injustice of it burns your heart.) 

-Don’t forget this appointment. 

-Don’t forget what’s expected of you.

-Don’t forget to do it ALL with a smile. 

-Did you turn off the stove? 

-Make sure you listen and be understanding when that one person comes around and asks for your advice but you know they won’t listen.

-Oooh, wow, everyone is so negative today. Don’t you love being surrounded by that? Kinda hard to keep that positive attitude isn’t it? Kinda hard to keep pointing out the positive when folks just seem to enjoy the negative. 

-You need to accept that apology you never got.

-You probably need to apologize for something yourself. 

-Remember that typo in that thing you printed last week? Don’t forget about that.

-Oh, by the way, you forgot this, this, and this, so far today.

-Sinus medicine sure makes you sleepy, huh? Too bad! 

-Did you forget you need new tennis shoes? You really can’t wear those with a hole in them. 

-Expectations! Expectations everywhere! 

Ron Weasley voice: “No one could feel all that at once. They’d explode.”

This is me dealing with life (or not?) today. 

Be kind to someone. You never know how mean their own brain is being to them. (And yes, I’m fine, I’m just having a day. 🙂)

The Journey – the End of Week 3

Or,
day 20.

Or,
The Week My Mood Plummeted, My Energy Took a Vacation, My Hubby’s Weight Loss Stalled, My Kid Was a Grump, and We All Jumped Happily Off the Wagon for a Day.  But that seems a bit wordy for a title.

Everyone warned me about the first week being rough. No one said that in week 3 I would feel worse than I had since day 3! I don’t know what happened exactly. I’ve been steadily doing the same things I did the first two weeks. But on Wednesday of this week I felt like I hadn’t slept in 3 days, and my brain decided to tell my mood that I hate everyone. EVERYONE! It continued through Saturday. The attitude was NOT pretty.

In spite of all that, I was down another pound. And a dress I had worn about a month ago looks like it needs to be taken in a couple of inches. So, yay!

My hubby is down a total of 8 pounds, which is great, but he has stayed there for the last 9 or so days, so by his decree, today was our first CHEAT DAY.  No one was happier than the kid. “Subway! Can I PLEASE have Subway??? And a baked potato?”

I know I’ll probably feel lousy tomorrow. (Good thing it’s a work and school holiday!) But the hope is that our bodies will do a reset and kick back into weight loss mode. We’ll see. MY hope is that I’ll get back to the “Woo hoo!” energy mode I experienced in the 2nd week. If I can get that back, I believe the weight loss can follow, AND my attitude will stay where it needs to be.

The one thing I had today that really tasted like all the hopes and dreams of all the world, was the remnants of the kid’s baked potato. But I’m gonna have ice cream in a little while, so I’d say that will be my moment of pure ecstasy.

So, that’s where we are. Back to it tomorrow, and I’m honestly not dreading it. My biggest struggle has been the convenience factor. But on the days when I’ve felt great, it’s been totally worth it.

Wish us luck as we jump back onto that burnt out wagon tomorrow!

The Journey – Day 42,792

Just kidding. We’re wrapping up day number 14. Two whole weeks!

It’s been…interesting.

The hubby is down 7 pounds, and wearing a belt he hasn’t worn in a few years. He goes on call tomorrow, and will be for much of the next month, so it may get a bit more challenging for him. Its difficult to plan his meals when he doesn’t know when he’ll be eating. He’s considering adding intermittent fasting to his routine. I’m not entirely sure about that idea, (there are so many ways to approach this whole thing) but I wasn’t entirely sure I could manage two days of eating this way either. And here we are 14 days later!

The kid wavers between surprise that she has more energy, and lamenting not getting to eat whatever she wants whenever she wants. I can add that this past week getting her up for school was a 180 degree turn from the week before. She seemed better rested and in a much sunnier mood. It could be the fact that we had the first week of school behind us. It could have to do with the new way of eating. (Whatever it was, I REALLY hope it continues this week.) I’m struggling too, with this aspect. I want her just to be a kid. I want her to enjoy being a kid. I do NOT want her to grow up with a complex about what she’s eating or what the scale says. That’s my own story and I don’t want it for her. I DO want her to consistently make good choices, to value her health, AND to enjoy  being a kid. Her dad and I have fallen into embarrassingly lazy habits in the last few years and have absolutely failed at setting a good example for her. I want to do better.

That brings me to, well, me. I’m down 6 pounds. Or 4. It depends on the day. It isn’t quite the dramatic loss that we had hoped for, but it’s pounds gone that I don’t plan to see again. (I’ve had several hormonal fluctuations too.) In 14 days I’ve gone from having severe heartburn every day, to having had just a mild touch of heartburn twice. Both times it was in the afternoon on days when I hadn’t eaten much of anything. It seems backward – like heartburn should be a result of eating too much, and it can be. But for me, it seems to come when I don’t eat enough as well. That said, my appetite has been greatly diminished. I have a hard time eating all that I’m supposed to eat in the course of a day. Mentally, this is difficult for me. I’m a big believer that it’s actually healthy if you eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re full, regardless of whether it’s “time” to eat or not. I’m just not great at that whole “stopping when I’m full,” part, which is why I hopped on board with this way of eating. Today was the first day that I tried to be more intentional in eating when I should. On weekday mornings I’m so busy getting lunches packed for the kid and the hubby, and getting them fed breakfast, that I don’t think about preparing my own. I realize now that I’m going to have do a better job of that.

The other news for me is that I have found some of the energy I was looking forward to! This past Tuesday morning, I felt better than I have in, well, such a long time that I don’t remember. That was the first day I noticed it. This weekend has been different as well. Normally, I do the things I absolutely HAVE TO DO around the house and everything else I just do enough to get by without the house getting condemned. This weekend, I’ve accomplished more than I have in so long, and had more I wanted to do if I hadn’t run out of hours in the day. I’m calling this a huge win. I’m hoping to see even more energy this upcoming week, for all of us!

I made my own version of Keto bombs this week, something to be a sweet treat. My husband was impressed! I need to make some more, but thought I’d share my version here:

8 oz cream cheese
2-3 tbs crunchy peanut butter
4 tbs Stevia
Mix until well blended, scoop onto a cookie sheet, and place in the freezer for a half hour.
4 tbs 72% cacao dark chocolate
1 tbs butter
1/2 tbs coconut oil
Microwave until melted and drizzle over frozen scoops of happiness. Store in freezer. About 3 carbs each.

Here’s to another day, another week, and hopefully less pounds plus more energy.

The Journey – Day 6

Well folks, I’ve made it almost a week in this new way of eating. I’m sure all 3 of you are rolling your eyes and shaking your heads, but for me, this is a big deal. I have severe attitude problems when it comes to changing my food habits. They’ve sabotaged me every time I’ve made the attempt in the past. And, of course, I let them. I’m trying to keep the attitude in check this time, and I’m proud of myself for hanging tough these first few days.

It’s not been that bad, though I have had a couple of moments of self pity and a few cravings – but not nearly as many as I was expecting. The things I’ve missed the most, strangely enough have been ice cream and chips. I was craving some salt and vinegar chips today something FIERCE! I did buy some sugar free, low carb ice cream treats. I haven’t tried them yet, but they have cheered my kid up. My self pity moment came when I cooked dinner at church the other night and had to serve garlic bread. I can put a beating on some garlic bread. But I didn’t eat any. I DID eat one, single, spaghetti noodle, because I had to see if they were done. But don’t worry, I didn’t enjoy it. 😀 Ha!

As of yesterday, I am down 6 pounds. Today, I tried on a shirt my sister gave me a couple of months ago. It had been too tight, even with my wicked stretching skills. Today, with just a normal amount of stretching, (I do that with all my shirts – I don’t like them clingy) I was able to wear it fairly comfortably. I call that a good reason to keep going.

I’m still struggling with fatigue. I think I’m getting enough electrolytes, but maybe I’m not getting as much as I think. I’ll be looking into that this week, to see what I need to do differently. My other struggle is actually eating enough. I can definitely tell a difference in my appetite, and at times it’s tough to get the protein and such that I’m supposed to eat. That does make it a bit easier to stay under my carb limit though.

All in all, week one hasn’t killed me, and for the most part, I’ve kept my attitude on the positive end of the scale. Hubby hasn’t weighed yet, but he’s had to move his belt to the very last hole, which is a win. As for the kiddo, she of course isn’t doing this for the purpose of losing weight, but just to get in a habit of eating healthier and making better choices. She says she feels good and that she’s glad we’re doing it together. She’s also looking forward to the day we declare a cheat day. I’m just not sure when we’ll break down and do that yet.

Eventually I’ll get up the nerve to share my “before” pictures. I’m not there yet. But I’ll get there.

Here’s to week 2! Thanks for coming along and cheering me on!

The Journey – Day 3

Day 3 I woke up feeling like I hadn’t slept at all, due to a pain in my neck all night. (And I don’t mean my husband. Ba dum pum!) So I wasn’t feeling all that happy with the idea of being up at 5:30, and decided just as an experiment, I would do an unofficial weigh-in. I hadn’t planned to do that for at least a week, but, why not? To my surprise, I was down 5 pounds. I’m sure that’s all water, but that has to go first any time you lose weight, so I’m happy that much went that quickly.

Food was a bit more of a challenge today. I need to do some more in-depth prepping. And this weekend, I need to do some experimenting with breakfast ideas. That’s been a big challenge for the 12 year old. She doesn’t care for eggs, and though she loves bacon, there’s only so much she can eat to last her until her school lunchtime at 12:30. She’s used to having bacon AND a waffle or cereal. That’s still a work in progress. The hubby’s breakfast is easy. He loves eggs. For him this morning, I scrambled eggs with prosciutto and swiss cheese. I’m sticking to Bulletproof coffee and loving it.

All of that to say, dinner was a treat! I cook for the folks at the church where I work on Wednesday evenings, and the menu tonight was spaghetti and garlic bread. Since we wouldn’t be having that, the hubby and kid went and picked up wings for us. Oh man, they were good! And the real, full-fat, bleu cheese dressing on the side made me happier than I should admit.

I was wondering why we haven’t experienced as many of the “keto flu” symptoms we were expecting. My theory is that it’s because we started adding lots of electrolytes to our day at the same time we started this way of eating. That’s the only thing I can come up with, because we have stayed under our daily carb allowance easily each day. (So far!) I’ll take it though. I’m happy not to have felt as lousy as I was expecting. There’s been some fatigue and a bit of nausea, but it has been manageable.

One other perk – and I suppose this could be mere coincidence – I haven’t had ANY heartburn since before we started. I had been dealing with it every, single, day. That’s something I didn’t expect, but am thrilled about. I hope it stays that way.

This evening, since I’ve only used 11 of my allotted 23 carbs, I’m enjoying a nice glass of Merlot and looking forward to a better night’s sleep.

 

The Journey – Kicking & Screaming

I love the word “journey.” So, since my attitude when it comes to major lifestyle changes is generally terrible, I decided to refer to this one with a word I like. Maybe if I make myself tell the world – and by world, I mean probably 2 readers – it will help keep me accountable. And if I’m lucky, even get me back in the habit of writing again.

My family and I, under the coercion, errr, I mean, the leadership of my husband, is undertaking a new Keto lifestyle. Now, you have to understand, I am excessively skeptical of anything trendy and this is the BIG TREND right now. I was not happy about the idea of trying yet another thing, when nothing else has stuck. Having done a good bit of research though, I can see the idea behind this one, how it could be effective in not just losing weight, but also reclaiming health.  So, I jumped in the boat.

(I’ll admit, I almost quit after the first grocery shopping trip. It is utter insanity that it costs so much to eat healthily. And people wonder why there’s an obesity epidemic and rampant heart disease in the world?!)

I’ve been overweight all my life. I was probably overweight at birth, but the doctor was too polite to say so. I was the one who heard, “You would be so pretty if you would lose some weight,” more times than I would like. Oh and, “You have such a pretty face.” My favorite one ever though, and I mean that because it makes me laugh now, was when someone described me as being, “young, only in her 20’s but she looks older because she’s overweight.” Well crap! I was laboring under the assumption that keeping some fat on you kept those wrinkles plumped out and helped you look younger!
I also have a large build (thanks, Dad.) which would once have probably been referred to as “athletic.” That, however, was when I was young and proportionate. As you get older and gravity bears down on you harder, your proportions change. DRASTICALLY. (If there are any young ladies reading this thinking that can’t be true, get back to me when you go bra shopping in your mid 30’s. Trust me.)

Now, there are apparently as many different variations of Keto as there are sizes in my closet. What we have decided to do, after much reading and information gathering, is to use the high fat/mid protein/low carb method. And it goes against everything I’ve believed all my chubby life.  Anytime I’ve looked at changing my diet, it’s been all about low-fat, low-fat, low-fat. And portion control. But mostly just low-fat. This is a tough adjustment to make. But the idea, as I understand it, is that if your body doesn’t have sugar and carbs readily available to burn, it will burn fat, and it will burn it more efficiently – a slow burn, if you will, rather than the quick flash of carb fuel.

So, today was D-Day. The day we changed our whole diet in an attempt to change our whole outlook, and in time, we hope, our lives. And, I have to say, for a day 1, it wasn’t terrible. Here are a few thoughts to sum up the first day:

For breakfast, I had our version of Bulletproof coffee, the idea of which freaked me out to begin with. Greasy coffee? Ummmmm, why?!  I am a self-confessed coffee addict. I love the stuff any time, and all the time. I usually drink it with just a little cream, no sugar. I took that idea into my trial cup of this variation yesterday, and it was….tolerable. It wasn’t terrible. But I didn’t look forward to having it again, and normally when I get halfway through a cup of coffee, I’m already anticipating my next cup. Since this recipe is supposed to be filling enough to keep you satisfied for a few hours, I decided to try it for my actual breakfast – 12 ounces coffee, 2 tablespoons REAL butter, 1 tablespoon coconut oil, a splash of heavy cream, plus a teaspoon of Stevia sweetener and a sprinkle of cinnamon, (my hubby’s idea) all into the blender and gave it a good mix. It was pretty good! The little extra flavor from the Stevia and the cinnamon seemed to counteract the “greasy” feel. It was 3 and a half hours before I began to feel hungry, which is pretty unusual for me unless I eat a BIG breakfast. Ok, that’s a win, I can do that for breakfast.

One thing I noticed though, after lunch I got crazy tired. I was yawning every 30 seconds and just felt like I could fall over. I felt not just sleepy, but my body felt sluggish too. I drank a cup of coffee trying to get through the work day, and felt better for a while, then that same sleepy, sluggishness hit me again about 3:00. My family will tell you that I love naps, and regularly carve out time for them on the weekends. (Sometimes on weekdays too, if I can get away with it!) But it’s rare that I feel this kind of tired. I’m not sure how to explain it accurately, I just know it was different. I took the opportunity to lie down for an hour and felt better. Now it’s 8:30 and the sluggish feeling is coming back again. This admitted night owl who hates going to bed before at least 11, is thinking about how good sleep sounds.  I’m hoping this will be a temporary effect. I imagine it’s because my body is used to having those carb rushes and I haven’t had that today. Normally it isn’t something I even think about –
To put it into perspective, I am keeping my carbs at 23 grams or less per day. I looked at a store bought Rice Krispies treat square, the small one. It has 17 grams of carbs for ONE. Today, I have had 16.5 grams, so I’m guessing my body is asking, “What in the name of all that is holy are you doing to me, woman?”

With that in mind, I believe I’ll listen to her and go to bed. I mean, after all, if I’m not up, I’m not tempted to snack, right?

Here’s to day 1 under my belt. (which will hopefully be smaller soon!)

 

For the Discouraged LEO Family

For the discouraged, disillusioned, and exhausted law enforcement families:
The salary definitely isn’t your reason to keep going. Nor are the long nights when you try to sleep but your phone won’t stop ringing. There are a thousand things that make the LEO life harsh.
But ask the officer who has a divine CALLING to that life why he does it. First he’ll probably joke and say he can’t remember.
But if you really listen, you’ll hear about things like service, integrity, and honor, about the joy of locating a lost child, or the high (if you’ll excuse the use of the word) of getting a dangerous drug dealer off the street. There’s the satisfaction of arresting a drunk driver, knowing he’s likely to get a slap on the wrist from the court system, but you got him off the streets for that night, before he could hurt anyone. There’s the pride and love in the heart of your family waiting at home.
And don’t forget the thrill of driving full-speed with lights and siren or the sheer gratification of kicking a door open to get to a person in distress.
There are a million sadly real reasons to feel discouraged, but know that so many have your back. There are more who respect and appreciate you than those who hate you and wish you ill.
And when it comes down to it, those who are counting on you WILL see your value.

*This post brought to you by a long night as the wife of an exhausted on-call detective*

Know Your Risks

***Ladies, please do your research. I won’t get too graphic but if you’re squeamish about things such as childbirth or complications from procedures, just scroll on past.***

This may be rare, but it happens. A month after Katie finally came home from the hospital, under medical advice, I chose to go this route. After 2 weeks of pain, the Mirena had to be surgically removed because it had shifted, perforated my uterus, and was in a potentially dangerous position.
Please, please, read up, know your own body, listen to your gut, and be your own advocate.

https://www.google.com/amp/people.com/human-interest/woman-births-baby-despite-iud/amp/