The Lonely Adult

I never knew being an adult would be so lonely.

There. I said it.

I’ve accepted that adulting is hard. I’m resigned to the fact that being a grown up isn’t the cake walk of freedom, independence, and no bedtime that I was led to believe it would be.
But I’m only just realizing that it is lonely. And I’m not sure if that’s my fault, or if it’s simply my perception, or if my mind is just messing with me as I approach the downhill slope toward 40. And while I don’t wish the feeling on anyone else, in a way, I do hope it isn’t just me and my over-active imagination.

When you’re a kid, you have friends. You go to school and you meet people. I suppose I had this idea that being an adult and having a job would be much the same. I have friends. Lots of friends. I have a small circle of friends I’m really close with, though for one reason and another we don’t get to just hang out much.  I sometimes feel a bit sad, maybe even a bit left out, when I see people meeting for lunch, laughing over appetizers, and visiting each other just to chat. But everyone, including myself, is so damn busy.




I’m one of the least busy people I know. Maybe that’s part of the reason it seems like a lonely time of life. I am not a fan of busyness. I don’t want to be one of those families who is running from one practice to another, to a game, to a recital, to a business dinner, to a lecture, to a volunteer meeting….I do not function well in that kind of situation. A week when we have things going on just 3 or 4 nights puts me in a stupor from which it takes another week to recover! Thankfully, at least so far, my kid is very similar. She’s even more of a homebody than I am, so we don’t have the, “But I never get to do anything,” fight. (Yet.)

But still, when I look around, I see people doing things, going places, having lunch dates, and I think, “Am I just a complete and total weirdo???”

Now, I’m the first to admit, that I AM a bit of a weirdo. If I’m honest, I know that the things I like to do, and to see, and the places I enjoy going, are a bit different in many ways. I don’t know a lot of 39 year old moms who will happily spend an entire afternoon playing Skyrim or trying to get every single stud in a Lego video game. In pretty much any social situation I find myself in, I’m the only so-called mature adult geeking out over the latest Marvel movie news or Harry Potter collectible. I don’t remember the last time I met someone who had read Les Miserables or the Lord of the Rings trilogy and actually wanted to sit down and discuss it over coffee. And, although my daughter enjoys Celtic music with me, she doesn’t get quite get my obsessive delving into the history of the songs and researching every single song every single artist I like has recorded.

(*sidenote* I’m so thankful to live in a world with the internet! I’ve “met” so many people who are like-minded, who enjoy the same things, and have made a few priceless friendships that I hope to keep forever!)

A few years ago, I decided to see Once, the Musical, when it toured a couple of hours from me. My husband and some family members couldn’t understand why I would go alone. I went alone because a.) I could laugh and cry to my heart’s content without worrying about someone with me thinking I was losing it, and b.) I didn’t know anyone who would be interested in going. At least, not the kind of interested that would accept my level of laughing and crying. (See point A.)

I’m the type of fan who doesn’t “like” things. I tend to obsess. I don’t know why. When I get interested in a song/show/book/movie/artist, etc, I want to find out EVERYTHING I can about it. When I read Les Miserables a few years ago, I wanted to study it. My husband laughed (and poked a bit of fun) at my Les Mis binder, in which I collected maps, notes on the history surrounding the story, the French Revolution, and Victor Hugo himself.

As much as I enjoy not having a bunch of obligations, I do like to go places and experience things. I just don’t get to all that often. Or at least I haven’t, for the most part. Going to see a musical on my own a couple of years ago did a lot for me. And I’ve decided now, seeing as I love musicals, that I am going to do my best to see at least one every year. I’ve never been a huge concert-goer, they just aren’t my thing. But I did treat myself and my daughter to seeing Celtic Thunder last year. It was such a great experience, just going and enjoying the music, singing along, and seeing these guys whose voices I adore up close! I’m going to see two of my favorite artist from the group in a small concert later this year. And I’m super excited!

I share all of this because, like I said in my last (mostly incoherent post), I figure there has to be another person or two out there who feels much the same as I do. I can’t be the only one. And if that is you, Reader, I hope I can encourage you not to wait until someone wants to go with you to see that show or that concert or that movie. It’s ok to enjoy things by yourself. (Besides, you don’t have to share the popcorn that way!) It’s wonderful to find someone who likes the same things you do, someone with whom you can be your full-on geeky self, but be ok with your own company too. It’s lonely sometimes, but it’s freeing too. And you never know, you just might meet someone else who likes the same things you do and find a friend for life.

Being OK with Being Me (part 1?)

I’ve debated with myself for a while about sharing some of this. I don’t even know for sure what I actually want to say. I just know there are things itching to get out – ponderings, misunderstandings, and conflict swirling in my brain and begging to be released.

I’ve been wondering a lot lately how we so-called grown ups make friends. You know what? It’s harder than it was as a kid.

For the most part, I’m ok with that. As far as girlfriends go, I have a small (really, quite small) group of friends who are the ones I know I can go to, the ones who hear my worries and my most embarrassing moments. I have one (really, just one) who actually knows my deep, closely held fears, the friend who took me by surprise. But none of those friends live near me. Some days I wonder if there’s something wrong with me that prevents me from ever getting a, “Hey  loser, meet me for lunch today,” but I can usually remember that we’re all busy, we all have our minds going in a zillion directions at any given time, and that it probably has nothing to do with me.

Still, being a grown up, I’m learning, is lonely sometimes. I see those moms who DO have those friendships, and I wonder how it happened.
15032755_10154668904521704_5670873838429391269_nThen I realize that either they’ve known each other since before adulthood, or their kids have activities in common. That’s when some of it begins to make more sense. My kid is like me – the things she enjoys aren’t the things most of her peers enjoy.  She spends her time reading, playing video games, learning how computers work, and the one sport she participates in is tennis, which it seems no one around here has discovered. (Seriously, WHAT is that about? Why aren’t more kids into tennis?!)

As for me, I don’t know a lot of gals in real life who play video games, geek out over Marvel movies and British television, and who are crazy about fantasy stories like those given to us by Rowling, Tolkien, and Lewis. I don’t know many who have the compulsion to obsessively seek out every little bit of information about things they find interesting and/or entertaining. (Trivial Pursuit anyone?)

As I said, I debated about sharing. Don’t misunderstand – it isn’t a, “Please be my friend,” sort of share. But it IS a, “Please don’t feel like you’re the only one,” sort of share. I know that if I’ve discovered this not-quite-pleasant-but-it’s-all-ok aspect of adult life, there are likely to be other moms out there who have too. I just thought maybe you’d like to hear that it isn’t you. There are a lot of us out there who feel a bit like a social pariah, who just don’t seem to fit anywhere.

You be you. Embrace your inner weirdness and appreciate the square peg that you are.

After all, there’s no one else in the world exactly like you, and obviously God thought this world needed you.



Help for Gatlinburg

img_0976Hey guys, if you are planning to donate money or supplies to help the victims of the wildfires, please go through a local source rather than the Red Cross.

In what can only be described as a beautiful testimony to the hearts of people, agencies are struggling to find space for all the donations until they can be distributed. This outpouring is welcome, but as you know, folks will need help long after the initial shock begins to wear off.

If you need help finding a good source to give through, I can help point you in the right direction. Please understand that many of the local places will guarantee the donations (money and other) will STAY local. The Red Cross, unfortunately, does not guarantee that.

I wish I could say thank you to everyone who is helping and all those who are praying, near and far. Please keep it up! 💕

#gatlinburg #disaster #wildfires #donations


Like so many others, I’ve been following the news footage from Gatlinburg all day. I spent so much of my childhood in that area, and have many special memories from my adult life there as well. It’s heartbreaking to see the destruction.

I’ve come across a few negative comments. We’re southerners, so we’re fairly accustomed to hearing ignorant, ill-informed, stereotypical comments coming at us. We generally just ignore those folks, with a sweet little, “bless their heart.”

But those condescending comments made along the lines of, “Why didn’t people get out sooner?”
“Why weren’t orders given to evacuate earlier?”
“Don’t people know to leave when there’s fire?!”
are really starting to irk me.

Allow me to explain something to those too obtuse to get it.
This. Was. A. Disaster.

In general, those don’t come with a lot of warning. And in more specific terms, this particular kind of disaster is not something we deal with very often. We have forest fires, yes. However, I don’t remember anything like this one in my lifetime. What happened yesterday was the result of a deadly combination of months of drought and ridiculously high winds coming up against a fire. There were gusts up to 87 miles per hour in the mountains That is not “normal” here.
Any of those 3 things are bad, but you put them all together and you have a guaranteed disaster.

We were prepared for wind, sure, but not a firestorm of wind. And that’s exactly what it was.

It’s so easy for those on the outside of a situation to see just exactly how things SHOULD have been done. It’s easy to say, “Well I would have……”
And certainly, there are likely people who have learned a hard lesson. They’ll probably be more prepared if they face this kind of situation again. But the fact remains, this was not a hurricane that was forecast with 2 weeks notice. This was a disaster with very little warning.

Gatlinburg will come back. Don’t you worry about that. That’s what we “mountain people,” do.
In the meantime, pray for all the people, families, animals, businesses, livelihoods, and spirits dealing with the aftermath. If you can help, help. And take care of each other.

Mad As Hell and My Tongue Is Bleeding

Oh my gosh, people! STOP with the hatefulness, pettiness, and “warnings,” for ONE DAY, can’t you? I have tried so hard to keep quiet but my tongue is bleeding from biting it. So I’ll take a page from so many of you and get this out of my system. Twitter and Facebook are so full of vitriol and hostility and I am more than tired of seeing it all from people who are supposed to be friends and family.

In case you’ve forgotten , it is Veteran’s Day – I wonder how many protesters, whether in the streets or HIDDEN BEHIND YOUR KEYBOARDS, remember that it’s because of the Veterans and those who never returned from service that you have the right to protest. Yeah, remember them?

Rioting, stopping commerce, threatening people, and slinging insults is NOT the same as protesting. It isn’t!

Tell me, what are you accomplishing with your smoking-keyboard rants?

Some of you will say, “I’m just trying to educate people.”
No you’re not. You’re angry and disappointed, and you’re venting it on social media.
You have that right, as I mentioned, but for the love of all that is holy, it’s past the point of being ridiculous!

Trump supporters, there’s nothing wrong with being happy with the outcome, with being relieved that your candidate won, but your gloating is doing nothing but furthering the idea that you’re a hate-filled jerk who thinks you’re better than everyone else.

Clinton supporters, suck it up and get a grip. Your reactions are doing nothing but furthering the belief that you’re a whiny toddler who throws a tantrum unless everything goes YOUR WAY.

I have never been a fan of Obama, but I survived the last 8 years. Even when he said and did things that made my blood boil, not once did it even cross my mind to PROTEST his election. I prayed for the man, not nearly as much as I should have, but I tried. And I did not spend hours, days, and weeks, attacking his supporters from the anonymity of my computer.

I have friends who voted for Trump, for Clinton, for Johnson, and for No One, and I’m not mad at any of them for their vote. However, I am now seeing  a side of many of you that I wish I did not have to witness. I understand some of the reasons that some of you are upset and hurt and frightened. I really do. Many of you have valid reasons. If you are one of them, please consider this: many people would have had valid reasons to be upset, and hurt, and frightened had the election been won by Hillary Clinton. Let that sink in, alright? Not one of us can control the outcome of the election, or much of anything else. What we CAN control is our reactions.

It is time to move forward. None of us KNOW what the next 4 years hold, and all the gloom and doom predictions in the world will not tell us anything helpful. Stop yelling, stop pouting, stop gloating, and DO SOME GOOD.

Those of you who have spoken so loudly through this campaign about being tolerant and helping others, are your protests doing anything to help others?

So many people have spoken out against the division that we are seeing become more and more prevalent in our country. Is your reaction to the election helping to unify people, helping to heal that division that you say you are so sad about? No? Then maybe take a breath, step back, look at the world around you, and figure out what  you can do to make things better.

If you truly want to be part of the solution, if you want to make the world a better place, then use your words and your actions to do that, rather than contributing to the rift that is pulling people apart.

You and I have a choice, every day when we wake up, to be a person to be proud of, to be a person who helps others, to be someone who makes somebody’s world a better place.  Few of us are sitting in the positions of perceived power where we believe change comes from. But every single one of us has the opportunity to be kind. It costs you NOTHING. Change comes from all of us ordinary, everyday, people.

What might happen if everyone used the energy that it’s taking to blame everyone else, to throw insults at the people who think differently than they do, and use it to go out and DO SOME GOOD?  Hold a door for someone. Smile.  Yield the right-of-way in traffic instead of getting angry over it. Buy someone a coffee. Visit your lonely neighbor. Tell the cashier at the drive-thru to have a nice day and MEAN IT. Write to your representatives if you need to, and  tell them the things that worry you, the things that you would like to see accomplished, but at the same time, understand that it’s not all about you.

College students, (and I really did try to bite my tongue here), stop crying into your $6 latte about how expensive your student loans are and GO TO CLASS. Make that student loan work for you.

In every single election there are people who are disappointed and there are people who are happy but in my lifetime I don’t ever remember one that has caused this much division. That’s our fault. And we are the only ones who can fix it. So today, please put on your big girl panties or your big boy pants, go about your business, and thank a veteran for their service. Thank them for the right you have to protest. But keep in mind, a protest does not mean stealing, vandalizing, threatening people, and blocking business. Nothing good, NOTHING GOOD, is coming from any of that.

The outcome of this election did not make me ashamed to be an American but the behavior of many of my fellow countrymen and women these last 3 days has been an embarrassment.

If you’re still with me, I appreciate you reading. You may not agree with me and you probably don’t care what I think.
But here’s what I’m going to do: I’m going to be positive. I’m going to do something nice for someone. I’m going to watch some cute puppy videos, and I’m going to share the most ridiculous cat memes I can find on my social media. I’m going to lose myself in books and music for a few hours. I’m going to focus on those I love, and on things I enjoy rather than focusing on what scares, worries, and angers me. I’m going to be thankful for all I have and work hard for the things I want. I’m going to pack some shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child. I’m going to love my family.

Changing the world starts at home, ya’ll. Let’s work on that.

What Keeps You Going?

Thoughts from the trenches of depression from my precious friend. If you’re fighting those battles, like I do, read her last paragraph here. Then read it again until it sinks into your soul.

Winning Back My Life

Everyone needs something or someone to keep them going. It doesn’t matter if you’re dealing with a mental illness or if you’re perfectly healthy. We all need something to spur us, someone to cheer us on. There’s no one right answer for what that motivation could or should be.  I have a few.

Emma. That sweet little ball of silliness and fur just makes me happy. She literally makes me get up in the morning. She has to be walked and fed. She wants to love me as much as I want to love her. I cannot imagine going through this nightmare of depression without her. She has made me laugh out loud every single day for the past 11 months. She doesn’t tell me what I should do or sulk because I don’t think what she thinks. She is unconditional love and a reason to get up every day.

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On Media and Personal Responses 

*Disclaimer: This blog post is in no way a defense of Donald Trump, nor is it a condemnation of him, or of Hillary Clinton. Rather it is a call to honesty, and thinking for oneself.*

Probably no one is ignorant of the comments revealed to have been made by Donald Trump in regard to women, which have, deservedly, landed him in hot water.  His words and his attitude in this respect are despicable. There is no excuse for it. This sort of attitude toward women is absolutely not acceptable, not now, not in 2005, not ever.

Since this story broke, there has been plenty of condemnation directed at Donald Trump. Fine. He’s earned it. There is no question about that. Now, conversely, First Lady Michelle Obama has come to the forefront of the news with her response to Trump’s latest controversy. I have seen, not only in the media, but from people I respect, these glowing, praise-filled responses to Mrs. Obama’s speech. Ok, fine, good speech. Yes, I think we all agree that we want to protect our daughters from the disgusting attitude displayed by Mr. Trump.

But can we be honest, for once, with ourselves and one another?

Are any of the people who are both disgusted by Trump’s comments and openly praising Mrs. Obama’s speech, also concerned by some of the Obama’s invited guests to the White House?
Rick Ross, for example, was invited as part of a “Youth Empowerment Program” – a hip hop artist whose accomplishments include a felony charge for pistol whipping someone he caught on his property who shouldn’t have been there. (Ok, I would have made the person leave too, but I’m not sure pistol whipping would have been my first instinct.) In fact, he was still wearing his stylish ankle bracelet monitor during his visit to the White House with the purpose of “empowering youth.”  Ross is also known for a song he released in 2013 entitled U.O.E.N.O. which includes the lyrics, “Put Molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it. I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain’t even know it.”  The song also has multiple uses of a racial slur beginning with the letter N, and multiple references to women (presumably) as “bitches.”


So, this kind of thing IS what we want for our daughters? Not mine, Mrs. Obama. And I sincerely hope, not for yours either. This is not “music” I want my daughter listening to, implying this behavior is acceptable.

Hear me on this, those lyrics are no more acceptable or excusable than Trump’s comments.

Ross apologized later for the lyrics which dealt with putting date rape drugs in a woman’s drink. Apparently he didn’t realize until AFTER releasing the song and capitalizing on it that those lyrics were offensive and disgusting. So, I guess it’s all ok now.

Hillary Clinton’s response to Trump’s outrageous comments have been praised in the media as well. Possibly worth noting, though, it has been documented more than once by people who have known and/or spent time in the presence of the Clinton’s, that Hillary has a penchant for some salty vocabulary and a sincerely unkind attitude toward those she deems lower than her. There are even stories that she allegedly referred to a group of special needs children at the White House Easter Egg Hunt as “f***ing retards.”

And then there are those women who claimed to have been victimized by Hillary’s husband, former POTUS, Bill Clinton, not to mention the fact that his behavior toward women led to plenty of ugly scandal during his time as president. Are his actions more forgivable than those of Donald Trump? I mean, Bill was married at the time, AND had a young daughter, but I don’t see much being made of the fact that Hillary has obviously enabled and supported him through all of those allegations, the hearings, and the impeachment. What kind of example does that set for young women?

Finally, and just briefly, there are the issues about Hillary Clinton’s tens of thousands of “lost” emails, her failure to protect our national security, and, oh yes, these 4 names: Christopher Stevens, Sean Smith, Tyrone S. Woods, and Glen Doherty.
Benghazi is already Mrs. Clinton’s legacy. But her supporters and a huge percentage of the media have either forgiven, forgotten, or decided to turn a blind eye to that.

Let me be clear – I am in no way defending Donald Trump. I am simply calling for a bit of honesty from people, both in the news and in the private sector. If nothing else, be honest with YOURSELVES.

Donald Trump’s attitude and comments toward women are inexcusable and indefensible.

As are Bill Clinton’s attitude and actions toward women.

As are Hillary Clinton’s alleged actions toward people in general, and as Secretary of State.

As are the lyrics of some of the Obama’s supporters and perhaps, friends.

If you want to condemn disgusting behavior, fine, have at it. In all likelihood, I will wholeheartedly agree with you. But at least be honest about the fact that it isn’t just coming from one person involved in our current politics.